Getafix PickMeUps
by Brian Boru
Summary: What happens if you give anime and manga characters the strength of Obelix from the Asterix comic series. I'm not sure, but its sure to be funny.
1. Chapter 1

**Getafix Pick-Me-Ups**

**Naruto**

In a certain village of indomitable Gauls back in the year 48 B.C. there was a certain druid mixing up a vat of potion. As he was stiring the cauldron he was surprised by a certain man boulder. "Oh Druid is the potion ready yet?"

Getfix jumped and knocked a transportation medallion he usually kept for emergencies into the potion with a great flash the entire potion and cauldron disappeared in a flash of light.

**Konoha**

One young Naruto Uzumaki was heading for the training grounds where he would be given a final gennin exam from his new Sensei Kakashi when, with a sudden flash of light, a huge iron cauldron fell out of the sky and, because of its upside-down position, pinned the boy under it. The weight made a partial seal and prevented the liquid in the cauldron from splashing out; all was silent for a while, then "Yahooo! The iron cauldron went flying through the stratosphere, and off into the horizon. Naruto had thrown the cauldron, and was now glowing a golden color.

He immediately started to run like a bullet for the training grounds, not even noticing the fact that he was punching holes through large trees or make the ground rumble with each step.

"The objective is to get these bells from me. A word of advice, if you come with less than the intent to kill than you won't pass." Kakashi grinned then tapped the timer to start it. "The test starts…now!"

KERPOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kakashi is slammed by a inhumanly fast haymaker from Naruto and he is sent through one- BOOM! …er two- BOOM! … uh, three? SPLAT! ugh!

Make that through three trees, three trees and stopped by a particularly hard boulder. Naruto stared for a moment, then with a sheepish grin trotted over to where the stunned pile of pain was peeling of the rock.

Naruto walked back to his shell-shocked teammates and said, "Ugh I guess we pass?"

A fly landed in Sakura's open mouth and wandered around on her tongue, she never moved a muscle.

"Get down!" was the shout by Kakashi as a huge sword came spinning through the air straight for Kakashi and the others, most of the group hit dirt except for Naruto who grabbed the thing and held it like a tooth-pick he hefted it for a moment then sent the thing off into the horizon.

"AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH! My Sword!!! You Bastards!! I'll Kill You!" Out of the trees came a tall masked man with murder in his eyes and was holding a kunai in one hand and his other was in a clawing position. Naruto cocked back one hand and sent a haymaker in the man's brisket that sent the man clean over the horizon as well.

"Man what was with that guy? Some people are crazy!"

Thud! Out of a tree fell the young girl Huku.(I really don't care either way what Haku's real gender was but female usually makes for more funny;)

Naruto stared at the unconscious girl and said, "Wave people are crazy!"

It was a pretty ordinary day for Ichraku Ramen stand until old man Teuchi happened to see a orange shape coming. He immedietly slammed a big red button, started a siren to start blaring and while Teuchi hollerd commands, "Batten down the hatches, start the pots, get the noodles ready, chop the ingredients, battle stations people, HE is coming!"

"Hey old man! Give me a hundred of everything, I not all that hungry today." The only thing that kept the old man going through these frenzies was the fact that the boy was single-handedly funding the Ichiraku family's private yacht and island getaway.

Orochimaru was in disguise toying with young Sasuke Uchiha and was about to go on the attack again, when, BOOOM! The snake he had summoned before crashed into a tree and caused part of the tree to crack and fall of the rest of the forest giant. While Orochi maru tried to understand what the hell just happened, he was blindsided by the mother of all sucker punches. The snake was slammed through the tree and made a large crater into the ground.

Orochimaru pulled himself out of the ditch and leaped at his attacker who turned out to be the Kyuubi vessel. Thinking he had tapped into the fox, Orochimaru made a five prong seal and slammed it into Naruto's gut. There was a flash of Chakra and Naruto was blasted backwards. "Well that takes care of that little nuisance, now on to-" BOOOM!!! Orochimaru was once again sucker punched by the blonde-haired stick of dynamite. Again and again the punches came until in an explosion of smoke the Snake Bastard disappeared to lick his wounds (not literally ya' sick freaks though with_ that_ tongue who knows, blech!)

"This next match will be between Naruto Uzumaki and Kiba Inuzaka, 3…2…1…Figh-" KER-WHAMMO! "Uh fight goes to… uh… Naruto Uzumaki?"

"I will not allow my existence to cease!" The collosol sand badger thing howled at the tops of its lungs. As Gaara roared his rage he failed to notice that the tip of his sand form was grabbed by the little orange grease stain and then he was being spun around like a lasso and then was flung right for the village, where he happened to burn out a certain barrier that was containing a certain still mildly mangled Orochimaru and Sarutobi who was doing better then he would have otherwise.

"I'll make you a deal, if you can make me use more than on finger, I'll give you my necklace." Said Tsunade of the Sannin.

"You'll have to use everything you got to beat me granny!"

"Oh yea you little punk!"

"I'M NOT SHORT!" WHAMMO!

"So what happens if I actually beat you granma? Granma? You awake?"

No answer was given from an unconscious Tsunade, or a shell-shocked Shizune, or even a Jiraiya was on his knees praising Kami for finally sending a protector for him from the punch of doom, after all aren't students supposed to aide their masters anyway they can?

Sakura was waiting at the gates for the others to come back from their mission after Sasuke. Soon there was an odd shape coming over the horizon and soon she could make out a grinning Naruto along with the others looking no worse for wear though a little stunned. Across Naruto's back was an unconscious Sasuke along with the rest of the Sound Five and one Kimmimaro.

And where was Hinata after all these shenanigans? In a deep dark cellar of the Hyuuga compound there is one bloody and bruised Hiashi Hyuuga chained to the wall. "Now Father what was your answer about me and Naruto-kun?"

"Alright! You can date him, you can marry him! Hell, I'll pay for the entire wedding, honeymoon, and your first house!" He croaked out.

"Oh thank-you Papa! I knew that I could change your mind and I know you'll love Naruto-kun once you get to know him." She smiled widely and skipped her way out of the cellar, leaving Hiashi behind.

"Hey! Get me out of these things!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Getafix Pick-Me-Ups**

**Minato Sahashi-Sekirei**

I OWN NOTHING!

Young Minato was trudging along his way to the local middle School as a first year. Although he had only been there for a week, he was already the preferred punching bag for half of the bully population at the school. He shuddered at the memory of his introduction to Toji and Hayato, a pair of 3rd years that were twins, as well as the most aggressive guys in the entire school, not to mention the biggest and strongest, seriously they could have been extras in _Planet of the Apes_ and not need anything except a helmet and a jumpsuit.

As he steeled himself for another morning and afternoon of abuse from Gorilla-1 and Gorilla-2 he failed to notice the shadow that appeared directly over his head, until he was trapped like a bug in a jar by a huge iron cauldron which sloshed as if there was fluid inside of it.

After about a few minutes, the cauldron was suddenly flung into the stratosphere and underneath, young Minato was seen shouting at the top of his lungs in sheer exuberance, "Ya-HOOOOOOOOOO!"

He had never felt so incredible in his entire life, he felt like he could crush boulders and juggle giant trees. When he the glow faded away, he happened to look at his watch and realized, "Aw man! I'm gonna be late!" He immediately started running down the road to the school as fast as his legs could carry him, which was actually causing a small wind storm in case you were wondering.

Hayato and Toji Akakuma (Supposed to mean red bear, if not please tell me.) The self declared kings of the school were strolling in with the rest of their entourage which made up the largest of the other unpleasant members of the male student body. As they were about to start their routine harassment and shake-down of the rest of the student body, one of the others noticed a dust cloud heading right for them. The others took notice of the dust cloud and were stunned when they discovered the source of the cloud, little Minato Sahashi.

Toji hid his surprise with one of his trade mark 'I'm gonna rip you apart' grins and strolled up to Minato with his brother right behind him as well as their posse, "Well, well Mini, I had no idea you were that fast. I think that a promotion is in order. How 'bout becoming our gopher for us?"

Almost instinctively Minato balked at the towering 15 year old, but, with strength he didn't know he had, replied in a quiet voice, "No."

Toji paused for a moment and then he asked him, "What was that?"

"I… said… NO!" Minato suddenly shouted. "I am not going to be your gopher, or your punching bag, or your target! I have had it up to here with you _Planet of the Apes_ rejects and I suggest you leave me alone!" Minato said before almost immediately slapping his hands over his mouth in horror at what he said.

Toji and Hayato glared at the little rat in front of them, and then Hayato turned to Toji and said in a sarcastic voice, "Bro. I think this munchkin just insulted us."

Toji nodded in agreement, "Yeh, I think you're right. You know what we do to punks who insult us bro?" Toji replied cracking his knuckles.

"Indeed I do bro." Hayato snarled, both brothers now had the look of a pair of angry bears.

As one they charged young Minato, their fists raised to unleash a butt-whooping on the boy in front of them.

Minato shut his eyes and had a fist cocked back for a punch, which he let loose a bit on the weak side, or so he thought.

He was stunned when he heard a scream and the sound of someone hitting a tree, hard. He opened his eyes and saw to his utter amazement that Toji had been blasted backwards through the air and now was down for the count and up in a tree. Minato stared at his fist then back at the pasted Akakuma brother. Then one very nasty grin spread across his face and then he clenched his fist and struck the palm of his other hand and said in a surprisingly sadistic sounding voice, "What was that about me being a gopher now?"

What followed would go down in school history as the worst beat-down ever seen. One Minato Sahashi beat the living daylights out of the Akakuma gang who numbered around twenty or so, every one of them being at least 4 inches taller and 20 lbs heavier than him. Minato gained the name "Bear-Killer" for the rest of his school career.

"Hey Mom. Yeah, I failed again." That was the answer of one Minato "Bloody-Fist" Sahashi as he called his mother to tell her that he was a ronin again for this year. What he failed to mention was that half the reason he failed to enter Toudai was because he had spent the whole night before partying after competing in a pit fight tournament and winning each and every fight in one punch. He had won around $20,000 U.S. the night before and so was celebrating the windfall. He had been keeping his lifestyle secret from his mother since he had started pit fighting at the beginning of high school. (He was super strong, not stupid)

As he wandered the streets seeing what would be a good place to eat, he heard a young woman's voice "Look out below!" He looked up and saw to his surprise a young woman, around his age and wearing a modified Shinto Priestess's outfit come straight for him. He continued to stare until the young girl plowed right into him. Unprepared for the impact he was knocked onto his behind. When he recovered, he was about to ask what the hell happened when he realized just what he had in his lap.

What was sitting in his lap was one of the most beautiful young women he had ever seen in his entire life. Along with the Shinto outfit, she wore a pair of what looked like kickboxing gloves. But that paled to fact that she had a figure unlike any he had ever seen. While he was staring like a stunned bull, she suddenly jumped up and was bowing while apologizing, "I'm so sorry Mister. I over did that jump there and I fell right on top of you! You saved me, thank you so much!" While she was doing this, Minato couldn't help but notice that she was giving one hell of a view of her 'assets.' Cue nose-bleed and keel-over.

"Hey there she is!" Minato snapped back to a sitting position and looked for the source of the voice, which prompted another nosebleed when he saw the owner of the voice.

Up on a water tower was a pair of also impossibly attractive women, twins from the look of it. They also wore a leather strap outfit that left _very_ little to the imagination. He noted in the back corner of his mind that one wore a red colored outfit while the other was closer to blue.

While he was in a staring stupor he failed to notice that the first girl had taken a hold of his arm and was now tearing down the road away from the two others. When he recovered he immediately slammed his heels into the ground, actually tearing up the concrete and making deep grooves into the sidewalk that ran parallel to the canal they were running beside.

The girl immediately came to a stop and she stared at him in awe, "Wow! How did you do that? Are you a Sekirei Mususbi didn't meet?" She asked.

'_Seki-wha-?' _"No, I'm not a Sekirei. I've never even heard of that." Minato replied utterly confused.

While he tried to process what the girl was talking about, the girl suddenly fell over as if she had fainted. "Musu-uh Musubi! Musubi are you alright!? What is it!?"

He was answered by a stomach rumble that was completely out of place, coming from the pretty young girl in front of him. "…hungry…" She mumbled weakly, Minato sweatdropped profusely at this.

One hour and $200 dollars later found Musubi and Minato walking back towards his apartment. Minato glanced over to Musubi in mild shock at how much the girl next to him could pack away. She had been the first beside himself to make grown men cry at the sight of the amount of food they ate. Together, they had started a new urban legend about the black-hole-for-stomachs couple.

As they continued on their way, Minato then asked her, "By the way, where do you live, I can walk you there."

Musubi replied, "But Musubi, doesn't live anywhere." Cue facefault.

"What do you mean you don't live anywhere?! You aren't living on the streets are you?!" He was shocked at how straight-faced Musubi replied to his question.

"Musubi only left the tower to look for her Ashikabi just this morning. Musubi hopes she finds him soon." She started to have a dreamy and far-off look to her face and Minato couldn't help but think that this Ashi-guy was one lucky son of a gun.

"You mentioned that earlier, who or what is an 'Ashikabi' or whatever?"

"Each Seikirei has their special Ashikabi out there, a special someone that will be their partner forever and ever. Musubi doesn't know or where he is but when she does her heart will race in her chest and she will know she has found him." Minato couldn't help but notice that there was something almost otherworldly about this incredible beauty that was standing next to him.

"Well until you find him I guess you can stay at my pla-"

"Ah ha! We found you again you won't get away from us so easy!" Minato recognized the voice as belonging to the S&M twins from earlier. As he spun to face them, a bright flash of what looked like lighting came hurtling towards him. Unable to react properly, he crossed his arms to defend himself.

Musubi could only look on when the bolt of lightning struck the young man full on.

"Crap, we hit the bystander. I hope he's okay." One of them muttered to herself. Any other's thoughts flew out of their heads when the smoke cleared to reveal that the young man that was with their target was only mildly harmed if even that. He uncrossed his arms and glared at the two at the top of the water tower, both girls flinched and broke out in a cold sweat when behind him seemed to appear a swirl-tattooed covered warrior behind him.

He continued to glare then he looked and noticed a lamppost near him. He grabbed a hold of it with one hand and with a quick twitch, tore it out of the ground and began smacking one palm with it as a thug would with a club. "You go now. If you don't, I start swinging." The visage behind suddenly snarled and it eyes glowed an unnatural blue.

"KYAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!" The two tore away from the obvious single digit as if the hounds of hell were nipping at their heels.

Musubi could only stare in shock and awe as Minato snorted in satisfaction and slammed the light pole back into its position causing a small rumble and the concrete cracked around it. As she continued to watch him she started to feel a great heat began to build up in her, and her face began to flush. "Hot…"

"Huh?" Minato turned her and was a little taken back when he saw that her face was flushed and her eyes lidded.

She grabbed his hand and put it to her 'bountiful' chest and said, "Musubi feels so hot, and her chest is beating so hard." In a far corner of Minato's mind he acknowledged what the girl was saying to him, the rest was focused utterly on what exactly his hand was pressed on.

"Musubi… wha-what are you doing?!" Musubi leaned closer to the young man's face and soon they were mere inches from each other.

"Be my Ashikabi, now and forever." With that Musubi gave the young man his very first kiss of his life that wasn't from a relative. Vaguely, he noticed that a pair of wings of light appeared from her back for a few seconds and that the rest of her was glowing as well. However, this observation was made afterwards, his only thought at the time was '_soft!'_

When the glow faded, Musubi then enveloped the young man in a bear hug and squealed out. "Musubi has found her Ashikabi, Musubi and Minato-sama will be together now and forever!"

Minato's only reply was to grin like an idiot and stare off into space, while in his mind, the only thing going on was the message- ERROR! ERROR! PLEASE REBOOT! PROGRAM CORRUPTION! ERROR! ERROR! PLEASE REBOOT!


End file.
